Too mellow for my own good...
Mar. 10th, 2002 02:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shirenomadI'm unemployed, and I keep borrowing from my parents to pay rent. I'm behind on my schoolwork, with finals fast approaching. I haven't even started reading the documentation for this software I'm supposed to be researching. My website hasn't been updated in a month, and I've got several other personal projects half-finished.
And yet, I just can't bring myself to care.
Oh, I'll get worried when Allen asks for my share of some payment or another and I have to ask him to cover me for a week. Or on the night before an assignment is due. For a few hours, I'll even try to do something about it. But the instant I take a break, the "eh, whatever" syndrome sets back in and I lose all motivation. Even now, I get the feeling I could blow off the homework due tomorrow and just spend the day websurfing, watching TV, or leveling up in FFT. Again.
I need a set schedule, and I need it enforced, or else I inevitably end up like this. When I had that summer internship, I did my work, because I was at the office and it was time to work. But the other things I had meant to accomplish over those three months fell by the wayside in favor of beating various games, reading, and generally goofing off, because there wasn't a specific time to do them. And I didn't care. And to a degree, I still don't. Yet I care that I don't care.
Does this attitude seem weird to anyone else? 'Cause I don't understand it at all, and I'm the one with it.
And yet, I just can't bring myself to care.
Oh, I'll get worried when Allen asks for my share of some payment or another and I have to ask him to cover me for a week. Or on the night before an assignment is due. For a few hours, I'll even try to do something about it. But the instant I take a break, the "eh, whatever" syndrome sets back in and I lose all motivation. Even now, I get the feeling I could blow off the homework due tomorrow and just spend the day websurfing, watching TV, or leveling up in FFT. Again.
I need a set schedule, and I need it enforced, or else I inevitably end up like this. When I had that summer internship, I did my work, because I was at the office and it was time to work. But the other things I had meant to accomplish over those three months fell by the wayside in favor of beating various games, reading, and generally goofing off, because there wasn't a specific time to do them. And I didn't care. And to a degree, I still don't. Yet I care that I don't care.
Does this attitude seem weird to anyone else? 'Cause I don't understand it at all, and I'm the one with it.
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no subject
Date: 2002-03-10 06:50 pm (UTC)This is the reason.
Not weird to me.
Date: 2002-03-10 08:18 pm (UTC)I know what that's like.
Date: 2002-03-11 12:03 am (UTC)