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cmzeroJust finished an excellent read: Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man's Soul. It's got an admittedly Christian slant to it, but most of the first third of the book will speak to every guy out there regardless of their faith. I found myself nodding my head throughout, and even getting a little watery in the eyes when a point particularly hit me.
Speaking of which, I wanted to share the part that struck me as most profound (and important), namely: every boy needs to be told they're strong, by whatever father figure they have in their life. (It has to be the father, who almost inevitably serves as the example of what the boy seeks to become, at least at first.) This is vital to the kid's development. If he's not told he's strong in something (or worse, if he's told he's weak), that can devastate him down the road... many neuroses and unhealthy habits of adult men can be traced back to the inferiority that develops at that moment.
When a poor (or no) answer comes, the kid responds in one of two ways, depending on his personality: either he believes in the answer wholeheartedly and embraces it, or he focuses all his attention on proving it wrong (largely to fight the constant doubt that it's right). Thus:
I have to wonder how many young men on my list are still letting their father's voice drive what they do. And how hard it is to stop listening to it.
Speaking of which, I wanted to share the part that struck me as most profound (and important), namely: every boy needs to be told they're strong, by whatever father figure they have in their life. (It has to be the father, who almost inevitably serves as the example of what the boy seeks to become, at least at first.) This is vital to the kid's development. If he's not told he's strong in something (or worse, if he's told he's weak), that can devastate him down the road... many neuroses and unhealthy habits of adult men can be traced back to the inferiority that develops at that moment.
When a poor (or no) answer comes, the kid responds in one of two ways, depending on his personality: either he believes in the answer wholeheartedly and embraces it, or he focuses all his attention on proving it wrong (largely to fight the constant doubt that it's right). Thus:
- A boy told he's a "sissy" by his father will either become an unassuming pushover (believes it) or, out of fear of being a sissy, overcompensates as a huge tough guy (denies it).
- A boy told he's "useless" or "stupid" will either start self-sabotaging everything he does or over-achieve until it kills him (all the while believing it isn't good enough).
- A boy whose father just ignores him (or who isn't there) will find his questions about his strength unanswered and will believe he's on his own; he'll either be driven to prove his worth to others or a total loner.
I have to wonder how many young men on my list are still letting their father's voice drive what they do. And how hard it is to stop listening to it.
