Arr! Arr! Arr! Arrrr!

We are the pirates who don't do anything
We just stay at home and lie around
And if you ask us to do anything
We'll just tell you, "We don't do anything!"

Well I've never been to Cleveland
And I've never been to Denver
And I've never buried treasure in St. Louis or St. Paul
And I've never been to Moscow
And I've never been to Tampa
And I've never been to Boston in the Fall.

'Cause we're the pirates who don't do anything
We just stay at home and lie around
And if you ask us to do anything
We'll just tell you, "We don't do anything!"

And I've never hoisted the mainstay
And I've never swabbed the poop deck
And I've never veered to starboard 'cause I've never sailed at all
And I've never walked the gangplank
And I've never owned a parrot...
And I've never been to Boston in the Fall!

'Cause we're the pirates who don't do anything
We just stay at home and lie around
And if you ask us to do anything
We'll just tell you, "We don't do anything!!"

Well I've never plucked a rooster
And I'm not too good at pinball
And I've never thrown my mashed potat-ers up against the wall
And I've never kissed a chipmunk
And I've never gotten head lice
And I've never been to Boston in the fall, uh-uh.

(Pirate captain's log, 2002...
Who be this band Relient K and why be they so full of contradictions?)

We don't know what he did
But we're down with Captain Kidd
We don't wake up before lunch
But we all eat Captain Crunch
We don't smoke
We don't chew
We watch Captain Kangaroo

And I've never licked a spark plug
And I've never sniffed a stinkbug
And I've never painted daisies on a big red rubber ball
And I've never bathed in yogurt
And I don't look good in leggings...
And I've never been to Boston in the fall!!!

(Ladies and gentlemen, let's give em a big hand!)

We are the pirates who don't do anything
We just stay at home and lie around
And if you ask us to do anything
We'll just tell you, "We don't do anything!"

We are the pirates who don't do anything
We just stay at home and lie around
And if you ask us to do anything
We'll just tell you, "We don't do anything!"