"Her exact words were, 'I've got stuff coming out of both ends.'"

[shirenomad]

Remember that flu I got over? I didn't. (What did you put in those sammiches, Shade?)

Slept until 1pm today. Feeling slightly better, but will still be glad for the weekend.

Now I just gotta hope the boss doesn't kill me for showing up for only five of the past ten working days...

You're the United Nations!
Most people think you're ineffective, but you are trying to completely save the world from itself, so there's always going to be a long way to go.  You're always the one trying to get friends to talk to each other, enemies to talk to each other, anyone who can to just talk instead of beating each other about the head and torso.  Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't, and you get very schizophrenic as a result.  But your heart is in the right place, and sometimes also in New York.
Take the Country Quiz at the Blue Pyramid

You forgot "totally ineffective at getting his/its way", which is true for both of us. -_-;

You're Adventures of Huckleberry Finn!
by Mark Twain
With an affinity for floating down the river, you see things in black and white. The world is strange and new to you and the more you learn about it, the less it makes sense. You probably speak with an accent and others have a hard time understanding you and an even harder time taking you seriously. Nevertheless, your adventurous spirit is admirable. You really like straw hats.
Take the Book Quiz at the Blue Pyramid.

With a little answer tweaking, I got:

You're I, Robot!
by Isaac Asimov
While you have established a code of conduct for many generations to follow, your demeanor is rather cold and calculating. Brought up to serve humans, you have promised never to harm them, to follow orders, and to protect yourself. Living up to this code has proved challenging and sometimes even drives you mad. If you were a type of paper, you would be pulp.
Take the Book Quiz at the Blue Pyramid.

...which is also accurate in many ways.