California, here I come...

[shirenomad]

You Know You're From California When...

The fastest part of your commute is down your driveway. - Alas, tis often true. You were born somewhere else. - No, but my parents were. You know how to eat an artichoke. - With certain kinds of pasta? Never actually opened one, if that's what this means. The primary bugs that you worry about are electronic. - True, but that's mostly 'cause I'm a professional techie. Your car has bullet-proof windows. - Please. Not every Californian lives in a big city. Left is right and right is wrong. - Actually, California's been leaning more and more right lately. I think Arnold started it. Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income. - Heh. You can't find your other earring because your son is wearing it. - Well, I do have long hippie hair. You drive to your neighborhood block party. - We don't really have block parties. Your family tree contains "significant others." - My cousin's girlfriend came to the last family dinner. You don't exterminate your roaches, you smoke them. - Never heard that term... You see 25 lawyers chasing an ambulance. - Thankfully, no. More than clothes come out of the closets. - You're thinking SF now. You go to a tanning salon before going to the beach. - *nods* More money is spent on facelifts than on diapers. - More of a SoCal thing, but yeah. Smoking in your office is not optional. - Or in any interior space, for that matter. Which is how I like it. You pack shorts and a T-shirt for skiing in the snow, and a sweater and a wetsuit for the beach. - I don't go skiing, but absolutely for the beach. When you can't schedule a meeting because you must "do lunch." - Huh? Your children learn to walk in Birkenstocks. - I see those from time to time, but not that often. Rainstorms or thunder are the lead story for the local news. - Nope. You'll reluctantly miss yoga class to wait for the hot tub repairman. - *smirk* You consult your horoscope before planning your day. - Well, some people maybe. A glass has been reserved for you at your favorite winery. - Now that's Napa Valley. All highways into the state say: "no fruits." - Yes. All highways out of the state say: "Go back." - Hehe. The Terminator is your governor - We just call him Arnold. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal? - I'm not sure either. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH" - Oh, it's not that bad. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from California. - I could take it or leave it. The problem's that the state's so big, it's got at least four distinct cultures -- LA, SF, Silicon Valley/Orange County, Central Valley -- and I identify almost purely with the third. I also notice that the fourth got completely ignored; sucks to be them.

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